Who remembers "Even Stevens"?

Me = going to hell.

Sorry about the lack of posts, all - in the next day or two I'll be back with a complete post, concerning my opinions on D23, some rumors I read about RFID, and some other shit - who knows?

Stay tuned...

What the fuck crawled up Jim Hill's ass?

I highly considered just leaving this post as-is, with no text in the body. Just the title, and a link to the article on Jim Hill Media that I read this morning. "Let 'em gather their own opinions!" I said. But I feel like I have to vent some frustration I'm feeling right now.

Fuck Jim Hill.

I've never really been a big fan of Hill, but in the past my reasons have been petty. I hate his writing style (where - if you look at any article he's written - Jim does things like make ridiculously long parenthetical statements. Statements like this one. In which he writes up to an entire paragraph inside of the parentheses, breaking it up with frequent hyphens - like this - and periods to break up his thought. By the time he ends said parenthetical statement, you have no idea what the hell he was talking about before he started it). I hate his almost Rush Limbaugh-esque approach to Disney. He has a very specific viewpoint on every little thing, and God forbid you should try to change his mind. I don't have a problem with his having an opinion (that'd make me a hypocrite), but I wish he would for ONCE look at things from another perspective that isn't the Almighty Jim Hill's.

But those were, again, petty issues that I took up with the site. Until today. I was skimming different Disney news sites when I stumbled upon a new article Hill himself wrote, concerning the recent "small world" refurb in Anaheim. I've already shared my opinion on these changes, but I was curious to see what Hill might have to say.

What resonated through my head while reading the article (which you should read before I continue), was a definitive feeling of "What the fuck."

A play-by-play:

"Last week, I got e-mails from a bunch of West Coast Disneyana fans who were hoping that JHM might champion their cause...As politely as possible, I told those people 'No.'"
-OK, so Jim sets himself up immediately as some sort of God that Disneyana fans come begging to on their hands and knees. "They want me to 'champion' their cause," I can hear Hill thinking, "the foolish peons!" The start of this article is the equivalent of a high school student bragging to his friends to make himself seem cooler. "Stacey totally begged me to go to the dance with her, but I was all, 'No, bitch!'" Great start, Jim!

"I told those people 'No.' Pretty much for the same reason that I didn’t join last year’s 'Save the Rainforest' campaign. Because – to be perfectly honest here – I thought that Disneyland’s 'small world' redo was a pretty stupid thing to get all worked up about."
-Again, Jim sets himself upon a pedestal and spits on the faces of anyone who has asked him for help with a cause. If you went to ask a person of note - whose voice is heard by at LEAST several people - for help organizing a campaign, or a rally, and they said "That's pretty fuckin' stupid," would you put up with that? I, personally, would fucking pulverise them. That's just me, though.

"Mind you, one of the reasons that I feel that way is that I’m lucky enough to know Alice Davis."
-Name Drop!

"That Disney Legend who – along with her husband, Marc, and their good friend Mary Blair – helped to create the original version of 'it's a small world' for the 1964 New York World Fair."
-Name Drop times 2! If you want to seem important, you have to drop the SHIT out of those names. And then condescendingly tell your readers who they are, in case the poor things are clueless.

"Care to guess what her reaction to the revamped ride was?"
-No, Jim! Tell me! I'm DYING to know!

*Alice then makes a pretty valid point about "Young Turks" coming in and changing shit up. Which I don't disagree with. Then, things get weird.*

"Which is why WDI is so lucky to have Kim Irvine. She’s a very talented person. Kim was born with a Disney spoon in her mouth. Her father-in-law was Dick Irvine and her mom was Imagineer Leota Toombs. Leota was one of the first Imagineers. Kim’s mother was one of the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. Toombs was generous and sincere, and she taught Kim to know & respect all the early Disney artists like Mary Blair."
-Even Alice Davis is dropping those names! But the problem is, despite the fact that we all know who Leota Toombs is, that means essentially nothing. You can be raised into a family of atheists and want to be a nun.

"So I take my hat off to Kim. It’s not 'small world' as it was before. But Kim did the best possible job with what she was given, and I’m very proud of her. I can’t think of anyone who would have handled the 'small world' redo project as well as she did. Kim did what she could to keep this attraction as 'small world'-like as possible. She was very clever with how she did that. But instead of appreciating all of that effort, everybody is up in arms."
-Did Kim Irvine fucking write this herself? First of all, if Alice Davis and Jim Hill are so obsessed with jumping on this attraction's dick, why is Kim Irvine the ONLY person they mention? I'd hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I almost think that they weren't too happy with the prospect of this refurb, and found a positive (in their eyes) element to attract attention to. No mention of Tony Baxter or Joe Rohde, etc. If they're proud of the work that was done on a task that's a horrible idea, why not say that? Why set yourseves up like you're rooting for the little guy? Re-read that quote from Alice Davis. "Kim did the best possible job with what she was given." That should speak volumes.
Ed. - I still fucking hate the job that Kim Irvine did, because those new "dolls" make this ride scarier than "Alien Encounter".

"Kim Irvine did a wonderful job here and the general public needs to understand & appreciate that. Sure, this was a project that was started by a committee. But that committee was smart enough to hand this project off to an artist who actually understood this attraction and really respected the people who originally created 'it’s a small world.' Which is why this redo turned out as well as it did."
-More Kim Irvine love. If she respected the people that understood this attraction, she would have put her foot down and refused to put Disney characters in this show.

"A lot of people decided before they even rode the revised version of 'it’s a small world' that they were going to hate it. Well, to them I say, 'Get a key and open your minds.'"
-Hey, Alice? Maybe everyone decided this idea sucked before it opened because it FUCKING DID. And still does. It's funny that you tell us to "open our minds" when you're speaking on behalf of a company that refuses to open any new attraction without some familiar character's face all over it.

"So long story short here: If Alice Davis is okay with the changes that have been made to Disneyland’s newly-character-fortified version of 'it’s a small world,' then I’m okay with them too."
-So you need the fact that someone else agrees with your (still not fully-formed) opinion to openly express it yourself? Hm...I think the word we're looking for in this case is "spineless". Even for Jim Hill's radical-approach-on-Disney ass.

This whole thing still makes me feel like all these old Imagineers popping up and speaking in defense for the show aren't really speaking for themselves. With idiots like Jim Hill prodding them on, that won't change.

So Jim, great job on alienating an entire fanbase with one random opinion to back up your own.

Oh, one last quote from the article:
"And as for those of you who still have your knickers in a twist over this non-issue … I believe that William Shatner – in his somewhat infamous appearance on 'Saturday Night Live' back in December of 1986 – put it best: 'Get a life, willya?'"

Hahahahahaha! Hey, Jim?

FUCK YOU.

Disney announces motion picture based on "Epcot"

In case you missed it, earlier today at ShoWest, Disney announced (albeit quietly) a new motion picture being made for a release next fall. The movie will simply be called "Epcot", and will feature a "group of kids who stumble upon a lost area that encompasses the sea, space, automobiles, plants, the future, and the world."
Disney's press release notes the plot revolving around (as of now uncast) tweens who mysteriously stumble into what seems to be another dimension while on Spring Break with their widowed mother. One scene depicts a tween flying a spaceship to Mars to face off against an evil emperor (Dustin "Screech" Diamond"), and another sees a tween journeying deep into the sea to help find Nemo, in an unprecedented showing of live action actors interacting with Pixar familiars. The press release also notes that part of the climax of the film involves a tween growing a mile tall and using Spaceship Earth as a golf ball to attack the film's lead villain, who is rumored to be played by Eddie Murphy.

Disney also notes that other attractions from WDW will make appearances, although in a somewhat more "familiar" tone. For example, the kids will have to save their mother by going on a hair-raising limo ride, a la "Rock'n'Roller Coaster", though the film will remove any mention of Aerosmith and replace them with Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers. "The Great Movie Ride" will also appear; but instead of journeying across the great cinematic achievements of all time, the kids will be reliving scenes from "High School Musical" and "Camp Rock".

"Epcot - The Movie" is scheduled to appear in theaters in RealD 3D Fall '10.

Things I Love: The "D" in 3D stands for "DAMN!"

So I complain alot.

FUCK YOU.

Sorry, sorry. I just feel so much...love right now. And when that happens, I become frightened, like a baby cobra.

BASTARDS!

See? Anyway, you may be asking why exactly I'm in such a loverly mood, and I'd have to tell you that it's not the fact that I've been doing alot of prescription drugs. I save that for SpectroMagic.

Totally not true, by the way. ...On Thursdays.

But I realized that I spend so much time criticizing that I never get around to pointing out the shit I like. Thus the inclusion of this feature. Where - today - I'll be talking about my favorite thing in the Magic Kingdom, and one of my top 5 favorites in all of WDW.
"What's that?" you ask.

Mickey's PhilharMAGIC.

I absolutely need this show. It's typically the first thing I go to in the Magic Kingdom. I loved it when I first saw it, a little over 5 years ago, and I love it just as much now. Which is rare for an attraction, especially a 3D show.
One of the nicest things about the show is its simplicity. There aren't 15 rooms you have to cross through to get in the main waiting area; just one foyer with some pleasant, funny opera posters - reminiscent of "it's tough to be a bug!" There isn't a huge queue video that tells you what you're doing there. There isn't a queue video at all! It doesn't patronize you, and you know simply from that one line area and a voice-over in the queue that you are, in fact, in an opera house (though, if it were up to me, I'd put a few TVs in the queue area showing some Silly Symphonies - just to keep people occupied).

The show itself is pure genius. The first thing I thought of when I left the theatre the first time I saw it was, "Pure Disney." It's fun, goofy, sweet, endearing, and - most of all - unforgettable. Unlike attractions like "Journey Into Your Imagination", or...well, we all know I'm going to say "Stitch's Great Escape", so nevermind. The show has an amazing score, actually hilarious bits with Donald, and doesn't lose sight of what it is at any point in the show. It leaves me begging for more every time, and a show where - literally every time I've seen it - the audience applauds after the first song (not to mention just about every other scene) has to be doing something right. Some people have complained that the 3D models of Ariel and Aladdin and Jasmine are a bit creepy/Barbie-like, but I very much disagree. They look amazing, nowhere near the artificial creepiness of their "small world" counterparts.

All in all, it's an amazing show, and I hope it stays in the Magic Kingdom forever. Or until the "Stich Teleportation Extravaganza - 3D!" or whatever the next garbage experiment in synergy arrives in full form.

Spoodles is gone, son! IT'S GONE!

Everybody party!

According to Screamscape and WDW News Today, Spoodles is leaving the Boardwalk and will be replaced by a place called Kouzzina featuring "Mediterranean-style cuisine".

I love the Boardwalk more than any resort, and I've always felt that Spoodles just didn't belong. It was overpriced, and I personally wasn't a major fan of their offerings. Although, it seems like this new place is going to have more of the same in terms of menu choices. Plus, the chef Disney is teaming with - Cat Cora - is apparently hot shit, as she is the "first and only female Iron Chef on Food Network’s hit show 'Iron Chef America'."

So basically, my excitement is null, since this is basically going to be more or less the same. But, on the other hand, it's not Spoodles!

Boardwalk really needs a solid Mediterranean place, since it fits so perfectly with the atmosphere; however there was something about Spoodles that didn't quite fit. It was lacking a certain "je ne sais quoi". And "Spoodles" is a fucking stupid name. Hopefully, the new chef - who already has a solid history with Disney World - will bring a bit of flair to that area.

Pizza from the Spoodles window for everyone!

Wait. Shit.

On rehabs and refurbishments, Part 3

Hello again!

Sorry for the delay...I got back from a trip to Orlando the other day, and blah blah blah you don't care.

In the last part of my ludicrously over-thought view of rehabs and refurbs, I focused on some of the sweet ones that have filled the Disney skies with a glimmer of sunlight, or what have you.

But it's not all gumdrops and cotton candy.














There was, of course, the much talked about (by me) Primeval Whirl rehab. And the long-discussed recent rehab of "it's a small world", which apparently was vastly improved through the new process of raping its foundations while everyone watches.

A bit extreme, I know. But the rehab was pretty fucking extreme.

Over a year or so ago, reports were going around that Disney was apparently going to put the Disneyland version of "it's a small world" into rehab, with more than a new paint job. An improved soundtrack was in order, with Disney characters added into the scenes and an all new "Hooray for America" sequence being plopped in right where the rainforest scene was.

Pretty much all true.

To the credit of WED, the changes made tried (TRIED being the operative word) to be subtle. There were no goofy looking Disney animatronics breaking down as you floated past.

The "Hooray for America" sequence does TRY to match the style that Mary Blair used to make the attraction so unique.

HOWEVER.

The whole concept of the refurb is all wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong. Wrong in principle, and wrong in execution. The prime reason of its wrongness is "Why couldn't the damn thing just stay the way it was?" There was nothing wrong with it. It's gone for 4 decades now running the way it is, and people have been consistently charmed by it. Some of you may ask, "Good point, but why not?'"
There are several reasons as to why this shouldn't have happened.
A)The reason I listed above; that it's fine the way it is. As long as Disney doesn't let it become Norway, it's fine.
B)The induction of the Disney characters is just awkward. They don't fit. They do look like they've been infused with Mary Blair's style, but it still looks painfully obvious that Disney just slapped these 30-odd characters into the show.
Tell me that's not the creepiest thing you've ever seen.

C) The America sequence is fucking USELESS. It adds nothing to the show. It actually subtracts, considering WED tore down a rainforest to put up some cowboys and crop farmers. Again, we ask ourselves, "Why? In what way does anyone benefit from this?"
I suppose children will, seeing as how they don't remember the good old days of when original attractions didn't need "plussing" with Disney characters. And thus, Disney makes money, by profiting off of the children's lack of complaint.

Not that this is the first time Disney has been known to use the cluelessness of youth to make a quick buck.




Marty Sklar explained to us why this happened, and soothed our nerves. But I still can't help but call bullshit (especially on this letter, it's hard to imagine an Imagineering legend would be so welcoming to such bastardizing changes), and think that if Walt were around today, he'd want to know exactly what in hell that blue monster has to do with the "Children of the World".


P.S. I also read a piece on the rehab that criticized everyone's critiques of the "America" scene. Aside from this being pretty much the dumbest thing ever written, and probably written by the same Disney exec who wrote Marty Sklar's letter, the whole idea of Paris having an "America" section is acceptable because Paris ISN'T IN FUCKING AMERICA. Ass.

And sure, it's in Disneyland. So why am I talking about it? Because if this idea is gold in Disneyland, then we may soon see the Orlando counterpart getting the same facelift.

Anyway, moving on. I promised everyone I'd conclude this letter with a retrospective of what was (and still is!) the most horrendous and despicable rehab known to man. And it's not "Under New Management!"


...The attraction that has its opening known worldwide by Disney fans as the moment Walt not only rolled in his grave, but also sat upright and screamed bloody fucking murder.

No, the attraction I'm referring to is "Journey Into Imagination". Also known as "Journey Into YOUR Imagination" and "Journey Into YOUR Imagination - with Figment!" And probably something else. Hell if I know.

JII opened up in 1983, a year after EPCOT Center opened, and it was well worth the wait. People were amazed at the simplistic (almost Mary Blair-esque) design of the queue, and the show waiting inside was something much more than a dark ride. It gave Disney its first unofficial park mascots; characters serving as ambassadors to a theme park that weren't preestablished Disney creations. Figment and the Dreamfinder were 100 percent EPCOT, and you couldn't go anywhere else to find them. Unless it was your middle school science class (click on the TV, then the icon in the dead center with an animated Figment).

However, in 1998, to commemorate 15 years of Imagination, WDI thought it necessary to completely gut the shit out of the building and rebuild it - inside and out. What resulted was a disturbing blend of corny effects that you could find in a Ripley's building on I-Drive, a bunch of anticlimactic nothingness, and Eric Idle (in a move to better combine the theme of JII and its neighbor, Honey I Shrunk the Audience, which also led Disney to re-establish the entire pavilion as the Imagination Institute) called "Journey Into YOUR Imagination!". As if people would approach the ride thinking "I wonder whose imagination we'll be visiting?"
What followed was bat-shit INSANITY. Pure hysteria. People called it, in a show of amazing wit and tit-for-tat, "Journey Into Your (Lack of) Imagination".

Hm.

Don't worry, I was right at the forefront as well. I'm pretty sure I wrote a pissy letter to Kodak the second I found out that Figment was demoted to a shitty cameo at the end of the ride.

ANYWAY.

Disney, in a rare occurance, decided that maybe 10,000,000,000 complaints can't be wrong, and shut down the ride just a week after its 2 year anniversary. They reopened it with most fans (myself included), hoping a Dreamfinder and Figment-filled journey would be waiting for us. What we got was significantly better than the previous iteration of the attraction, but still lacking in any sort of enjoyability. Dreamfinder was gone, still, with Eric Idle in his place. Figment played a much more significant role in the story - Disney even slapped his name on the ride as a white flag - but for some reason the show writers (perhaps in a show of bitterness towards the fans that demanded him) made him into kind of a...well, kind of a dick. He always pops up in front of Nigel, fucking up the whole show, to do something annoying.

Now, believe me, I don't like the character of Nigel Channing in my Imagination anymore than I like cockroaches in my tortellini (ew). But Figment just overdid it. He was annoying. He came off as a pest, instead of a fun-loving, childlike dragon. He was a pest that pooted in your face. Literally.
Nevertheless, fans have accepted this one, seeing as how if it didn't exist, we'd still have that God-awful shitmonster from the Millenium Celebration. Yet, we can't help but feel that some change is in the air. Shirts have popped up in shops with the Dreamfinder on them. Pins, and other little goodies are circulating, too. The cynic in me is pretty sure this is merely a marketing ploy for the recent 25 years of EPCOT deal that was going around. But still...we can dream, yeah? Besides, Disney's bound to get tired of all the bitching for a proper Dreamfinder return. There's still alot of people who haven't discovered what's become of their favorite EPCOT duo...


Anyway, that wraps up this piece. Leave comments, and let me know if you agree/disagree, or what your thoughts on recent/future rehabs are.

I'm gonna go watch Captain EO.

Leave comments!

....Dammit!

I'm trying to gauge the actual amount of people reading this thing. So lemme know what you're thinking of the blog!