See, for those of you who are unaware, Toon Disney was once a haven for those of us who absolutely hate the fucking garbage Disney channel has been airing. This was before "Hannah Montana", folks. This was around when shows like "Lizzie Mcguire" began generating steam as tween favorites. I remember a time in my childhood when (this was before we could get the channel in our house) Toon Disney was essentially the best thing about hotels in Disney World. Fuck atmosphere! I wanted "Gargoyles"! There was nothing like coming back to the hotel room after a long day at Magic Kingdom and watching "Bonkers" or "Marsupilami". Re-living the amazing cartoons of the past, before ADD-infused skullfuckery like "Jake Long: American Dragon" was born. So, imagine my dismay when, after a few months of finally getting the channel, a little monster named "Jetix" decided to move in with Toon Disney. This was not a mutual agreement. Toon Disney HATED Jetix, because Jetix was slowly stealing all of Toon Disney's precious on-air time. They were forced to live together, though, so Jetix made Toon Disney his bitch.
TD: "Jetix, what the fuck, 'Power Rangers' is NOT a cartoon! And what the hell is 'Super Monkey Robot Team Hyperforce Go!'?"
Jetix: "Shut up! Just for that, I start at FIVE P.M. NOW!"
Basically, while the Disney Channel was losing it's male boy demographic in favor of talentless teenyboppers like "Hannah Montana" or The Jonas Brothers or the "High School Musical" kids, Toon Disney was slowly getting more of this demographic. Disney saw that boys, when faced between watching "The Wizards of Waverly Place" or "Jackie Chan Adventures", opted to watch the latter. So, instead of just making The Disney Channel have a "Jetix" lineup every evening, the company decided to eliminate it altogether.
WHA????
Yes.
So, Toon Disney is safe now, right?
No.
Toon Disney, which has been slowly fazed out over the last few years, is disappearing completely. It went from a veritable Fort Knox of brilliant cartoon nostalgia to a network that had to pick the best (read: most chronologically relevant - *coughcoughBuzzLightyearcough*) programs to show in the mornings so Jetix can spoon-feed our children with zany, cheaply made bastard cartoons like "Ying Ya
ng Yo!"
WHA????
Yes.
So, Toon Disney is safe now, right?
No.
Toon Disney, which has been slowly fazed out over the last few years, is disappearing completely. It went from a veritable Fort Knox of brilliant cartoon nostalgia to a network that had to pick the best (read: most chronologically relevant - *coughcoughBuzzLightyearcough*) programs to show in the mornings so Jetix can spoon-feed our children with zany, cheaply made bastard cartoons like "Ying Ya
ng Yo!"So what's becoming of the network? Why, it's being revamped, of course! To none other than "Disney XD". What's "Disney XD"? Glad you asked! Disney realized that instead of having essentially one-half of a network devoted to boys while their flagship network is so popular with the princess crowd, why not balance things out? Let's make the channel 24-hour Jetix, but without the Jetix name (it needs to have that Disney ensignia somewhere!). How about something....extreme? Yeah, with an X! Xtreme Disney...XD! Sweet Jesus, the guy who worked on that project must have gotten a nice raise (I'm really assuming it stands for "Xtreme Disney", because what else does it mean? Is it a laughing emoticon?). So, fuck you, Toon Disney! No more "Darkwing Duck" for the kids, because now they're getting..."Aaron Stone"!
"Aaron Stone" is a brand-new comedy/drama show that will be the major deal for the network. What's the plot? Basically, this teenage guy is a spy in his spare time, but has to hide that while keeping a normal life.
I want everyone to stop and take a lonnnnng breath.
Now picture the fact that Disney is making money off of - essentially - taking a dump. "Aaron Stone" is just a male rehash of a popular show (guess!) and, needless to say, has already been done. Why not just call it "Jim Possible"? Or "The Famous Jett Jackson: Now in Caucasio-vision!"? See, Disney is, unfortunately, going to make a shitload of money off of this channel. Which is sad, because it certainly means that our old friend, Toon Disney, is going away for a long time, and may not come back.
There's always DVD...
I want everyone to stop and take a lonnnnng breath.
Now picture the fact that Disney is making money off of - essentially - taking a dump. "Aaron Stone" is just a male rehash of a popular show (guess!) and, needless to say, has already been done. Why not just call it "Jim Possible"? Or "The Famous Jett Jackson: Now in Caucasio-vision!"? See, Disney is, unfortunately, going to make a shitload of money off of this channel. Which is sad, because it certainly means that our old friend, Toon Disney, is going away for a long time, and may not come back.
There's always DVD...
