The Problem With Plot Part 2 (or, How I Couldn't Come Up With A Clever Title)

In the last entry, I skimmed upon the topic of plot in Disney attractions. The most important aspect of immersion is what story you have to tell; obviously no one wants to ride a roller coaster based on "Barton Fink". When Disneyland first opened, the rides there weren't rides, they were shows. All of the standards of film making - pacing, action, plot, performances, etc. - were present in these attractions. The concept of sailing into the port of a town under siege by ruthless pirates wouldn't be as exhilarating if none of them were yelling and firing off rounds. The thing that separates Disney from any run-of-the-mill amusement park is the careful attention to detail in the plot.

One of the oldest and most important (to me) aspects of telling these tales is what you see while you're waiting for the actual thing. Most parks (Six Flags, for example) have more of a "cold-open" feel, in that you wait in a line that literally tells you nothing about the experience to come. Contrarily, Disney (among other parks) has a highly detailed pre-show area for nearly every attraction. The queue area is what hooks the audience, immersing them in the world they've just entered. One of the best examples of a pre-show area is "Pirates of the Caribbean". The highly detailed walk through a Spanish prison heightens a mood of foreboding, especially evident through the lighting and sound effects in the distance.

Jumping ahead into the 80's, attractions like "Star Tours" and "Big Thunder Mountain" carry on this tradition, with the former giving a brief video presentation toward the start of the ride. The queue for "Star Tours" is a wet dream for any fan of the series, and it's here where the careful attention to detail and mood make the experience much more memorable. Everything, from the crates passing overhead to the subtle silhouettes flashing on the window, is done to make you genuinely feel like you're no longer in an everyday theme park. "Big Thunder", like "Pirates" or "The Haunted Mansion", utilizes a much subtler method, allowing the guest to discover plot points on their own (while the stretching elevator in "Haunted Mansion" is a little more straightforward, there is much more story to be found in the setpieces themselves).

The 90's brought two of the most popular attractions at Disney World, with some of the most memorable pre-show elements. "Splash Mountain" recreated the home of Br'er Rabbit, tucking away special elements in a fashion that suggests that the designers wanted people to find them, not have them shoved in their face. "Tower of Terror" recreates the lobby/boiler room of the Hollywood Tower Hotel, and even goes so far as to creating a dead-on "Twilight Zone" opener. This show is where a visitor can find some of the greatest executions of atmosphere in a theme park. From the cobwebs on the suitcases to the appropriate look of the freight elevators, you can tell a lot of research and hard work went into this area - and it pays off.

So what's the state of the pre-show now? Let's look at a more recent addition to EPCOT, "Mission: SPACE".

As you can tell from these images (courtesy of wdwinfo.com), everything here seems a little.... big. And by "big", I mean "fucking huge". There isn't much subtelty here, is there? Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the queue, but it seems like there's a distinct lack of small detail present. Even the clever reference to "Horizons" seems to be up in your face, like it was put there for a 6-year-old to find. The problem is a 6-year-old will have no idea what that means. Also, there are FAR too many pre-shows here. We have the outer area, then the 1st waiting area (with the gravity wheel), then the area where you're waiting to be put in the next waiting area (where you see Mission Control -- the only part of the queue with any sort of nuance), then the area where they show the pre-show film, and then the area where you wait to get in the vehicle itself. That's four separate queue areas. Then we have the post-show, but I'll get to that in a minute.

Another attraction, "Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin" (which, by the way, just recently celebrated eleven years of operation -- eleven!), doesn't give you much to look at while you wait. The atmosphere itself is fairly cold and dark, and it seems as though most of the attention was spent on the giant animatronic Buzz figure standing in your way, spouting 3 different sentences every two minutes.

While the "'Mission: SPACE' Rule of Making Your Pre-Show Huge" effect is indeed becoming more evident, it isn't necessarily a bad thing. Shows like "Midway Mania" certainly make it work; you are a toy's size, after all. There's also no shortage of eye candy to look at while you're in the (never-ending) line.

Subtlety isn't dead, however. There are some shows that effectively allow you to draw your own conclusions about the story. A prime example is "Expedition: Everest", where the pre-show is a carefully detailed replica of a small Asian town, complete with a Yeti Museum. The attention to detail here is almost unparalleled; while you wait in line, you're free to draw your own conclusions as to what this journey is, why you're here, and what could possibly be so bad about the Forbidden Mountain's "guardian". The queue alone makes this worth riding more than once.

Alongside the pre-show element of storytelling, there's also the way the show wraps itself up. Traditionally, the story ends on the actual ride portion, and you're whisked into a gift shop where you can see your onboard photo. There are some attractions that try to add in a little more to that experience, through the post-show. The earliest post-show is found in "The Haunted Mansion", where - after you've walked outside - you can still find visual clues concerning the story of Master Gracey and his lovely ladies. Similarly, there are more tidbits of story exposed after riders disembark on "Dinosaur" (was the Iguanadon in the car with us?), as well as "Mickey's PhilharMagic", and " MuppetVision 3D". Some preshows, however, are a little lazy - or worse, corporate shills. Take "Mission: SPACE", for instance. When you leave your X2 simulator, after a harrowing landing on the surface of Mars, you are given the most underwhelming and anticlimactic post-show imaginable. A solid-white hallway that sometimes never ends (depending on which pod you were in). Add to this a song that sounds suspiciously like something you'd hear over the end credits of "Con Air", and you have the post-show's beginning.

Sound interesting? No? Well, wait 'til you see where the hallway leads! After walking for several minutes (hours?), you are launched into what can easily be perceived as the arcade that the Foot Clan owned in the first "Ninja Turtles" film. There's a giant screen with a group of tourists playing against each other to....do something, and various other pointless space-themed junk. Guess who has their branding slapped all over it? HP!

We also have the post-show to "Test Track", which is like being dropped into the set of a Michael Bay movie. General Motors owns this area, which serves as a show floor for cars we'll either a)never be able to own, or b)never see on the market. More corporate whoring! At least that dreaded OnStar "Dream Chasers" shit isn't there anymore...

I understand that companies put a lot of money into these attractions, and expect to have some sort of profit returned through advertising. However, that doesn't mean that all originality and creativity can be stripped when creating these areas. It not only looks tacky, but it completely shatters the illusion that people have painstakingly worked on to create.

Some may perceive the lack of creativity in pre-shows for more current attractions as a sign that the company is losing faith in their ability to tell stories through these shows, but as long as we have the likes of "Expedition: Everest", maybe we can see that as a sign of pre-shows shifting back into the more detail-driven waiting areas we had years back.

What are your thoughts, humble readers? Do you have a favorite or despised pre-show?

On rehabs and refurbishments, Part 2

Before I get started, let me wish a happy 2009 to all of you, and may your days be merry and your trips to WDW be filled with the most delicious confection to grace this Earth, the Aloha Isle Dole Whip, and its big brother, the Dole Whip float.


Mmmmm. Whippy.

So, aside from talking about Dole Whips, I know I was posting here for a reason. I...I can't remember. Perhaps a haiku will help?

Oh, delicious whip
Chocolate, vanilla, a blend?
Pineapple, of course!

Ah, yes. The "rehabs" story. Last time, I bitched about attractions that desperately need (or, in "Primeval Whirl"'s case, don't need) them. Attractions that are either dying of old age, like "Snow White's Scary Adventures", or new attractions that are suffering bouts of debilitating issues at young ages. Attractions like Expedition Everest, which has frequent blackouts and hallucinations at the tender age of 3.
You ask, "Hallucinations?"
I reply, "Yes."
The attraction has frequent periods in which lighting and animatronics are adjusted so movement is evident where there is, in fact, no movement at all. The park spent maybe a metric shitload on this enormous yeti animatronic, but the sonofabitch keeps breaking down all the time. It's no surprise, since such ambition went into creating it. Legend tells that the AA has as much force as a 747 turbine, and was able to break through it's restraint during testing. Then, it murdered thousands of tourists after some asshole pushed him while in line for "Midway Mania".

Ok, I made the "Midway Mania" part up. Maybe.

The point is, this is the most complex monster to ever live inside of a Disney World attraction, and he just...sits there. Some strobe lights go off, maybe. He used to swipe at you, didn't he? Roar? Now, he just hangs around. The train goes by so fast, he may even be holding a cup of tea, offering you a place to chill. And SURE, a bunch of people may take that "fast train" deal as a reason NOT to bitch, but it's not necessarily about the experience as much as it's about the fact that Disney pissed away so much on something that will REFUSE to work.

It's like "Test Track".

Almost literally EVERY time I've gotten on Test Track, it's broken down halfway through. These attractions have line waits of up to 70 minutes! Shouldn't we compensate for that with a kickass ride, and not a kickass ride that falls asleep all the time?

BAH....Anyway. I wanted to also talk about the rehabs from recent times that have actually been enjoyable. And the first will certainly stir up a wee bit of controversy with some.

I actually loved the "Spaceship Earth" rehab. It was brilliant. First off, it could have been better. OF COURSE. But consider this: Remember those rumors of a "TimeChasers" ride sponsored by Microsoft that was to come out in the "Project Gemini" era? The one that was going to be such a mega-indoor coaster, that Disney would have to gut Spaceship Earth just to fit it in there?

Well...now you do.

This rehab is a great step toward that pure "EPCOT" feeling. Jesus, it even has a logo!


That tiny little buddy right above the attraction title there. Just like the old days, right? When every pavilion had an insignia - for more than coolness, but also to fit in with the motif of the park. Simple, elegant, and straightforward. And also, bad-fucking-ass.
Anyway, the attraction itself has been overhauled with some new scenes and effects. Most of these are the same general idea that was behind the original versions, just...spiffier. Take the moving hieroglyphics in the "caveman" scene. I've never noticed that before! Seeing that made me feel almost like a child again, wondering just how in the hell it looks so sweet. There are totally new scenes, as well, such as the "70's retro lab" scene, which I absolutely loved. Many people hated it, saying it was useless, and no scientist would wear leg warmers in a lab coat. But I thought it worked well. It was a nice, subtle jab at the (I'll admit) occasionally ridiculous 80's motif that riddled the park's music and walk-around characters when the park was getting started.


And then there's the "Horizons"-esque "Decide Your Future" finale. It works out well, giving the attraction a new insight into the future, and it's also a nice homage to the amazing past we may remember. I do have my nitpicks, as always. Judi Dench isn't really feeling her lines, it seems. And she says some stupid shit ("The first world wide web"? What?). The music isn't as memorable as it once was. The entire last 3rd of the ride is essentially a blank canvas, save for some Christmas lights (and I know, the rider's focus is on the screen in front of them - which seems ironic to me - but it's still disheartening to see all that empty space in such a big dome). And yea, the attraction becomes more about the future itself towards the end than communication, as if the show writers just switched gears completely halfway through an all-nighter. But these are small, petty issues. I love this incarnation of "Spaceship Earth", especially considering the butchering it could have EASILY gotten.

I also was able to see the newest version of "The Haunted Mansion" and was pleasantly surprised to see this was more of an overhaul combined with a rehab. An entirely new 1st act is essentially in place, even tossing in that little M.C. Escher reference that was originally supposed to go into the 1999 "Journey Into Imagination" rehab (also known as "The Doomsday of Rehabs"). Also, I was amazed when I read about the incredibly simple methods taken to achieve those weird (in a good sense) new effects. There are articles around the web that go in depth. Check it out. Google that bitch.

It's easy for Disney to learn from the successful rehabs, from bigger ones ("SSE", "Haunted Mansion") to the smaller ones ("it's a small world", for example, didn't compromise any of the original artistic merits it had for its rehab - yet...). As long as Disney can maintain the original theme and concepts housed in the idea - be it the future and our connections to it, or the amount of tension and spookiness a few well-placed light boxes on sticks can create - then keep the rehabs coming. It's not about state of the art technology, but about preserving the magic we all felt the first time we rode these attractions. If necessary, use that technology to keep it alive, but at least go the distance to never make it look stale. Because once it goes stale physically, then it goes stale in our memories.

In Part 3 (AKA "The Conclusion", or "Revolutions") I'll talk about future rehabs and what the hell Disney was thinking with that debacle at the Imagination Pavilion. Cheers!