Monday, May 4, 2009

We meet again, my furry blue friend...

Well, here it is, via WDWNewsToday:



Hm.

Ok, a few things. First of all, Tomorrowland needs to be saved. Like fucking NOW. It's slowly losing what made it Tomorrowland, and the only thing left there that actually represents the area properly is Carousel of Progress. The rest is just Stitch and (the unbelievably misplaced) Monster's Inc. But aside from that, this show is pretty much what I expected. It's devoid of any real story or decently memorable entertainment, and is instead something to keep the 2-year-olds giggling. All the while you, the adult needing something to do until that Buzz Lightyear fastpass is good to go, stands and watches uncomfortably as you feel like someone is threatening your life if you don't dance. You don't - yet you're still really uncomfortable, and pray that fucking projection of Stitch doesn't call you out in front of everyone.

Ahem.

I was unsurprised at the host who overdid it to the point where I hoped he would be evaporated by those fucking robots, and who also came off like a sketchy dude who has a secret second life. There were the aforementioned robots who - again, I'm unsurprised - danced to a song that Disney got to use for barely any money. Finally, there's Stitch. To be completely honest, I chuckled once at a moment a little after two minutes into that video, and that's about it. To be honest, I'm getting really tired of this digital puppetry craze going around the Disney property. The show pretty much revolves around it, and it shows that the technology is still too shaky to use as a centerpiece. Have you seen "MILF"? And no, I'm not talking about your mom...right now. I'm talking about the Laugh Floor show, where most of the digital puppets looks like they're foreign film characters dubbed over. It's a great concept, yes, but it needs to be refined before we're turning the whole park into something along these lines. Speaking of, apparently Disney is planning on doing that. 'Scuse me while I kill myself.

In an article on MiceAge, Al Lutz talked about a new, "next-generation" RFID program to be used in Fantasyland (as a start). The program apparently would require guests to "fill out a survey form prior to their arrival, and then that information would be downloaded onto the RFID tag embedded in their tickets."

Two problems with this: 1) I don't know if many people would do it, especially the amount of people needed to justify this kind of change to the area. 2) Is this just for resort guests? What about people who purchase tickets at the front of the parks? The article mentions the survey as "prior to their arrival", so it must be something only set up for people who have a full vacation plan. Sucks for you, everyone else!**

I don't know. I'm probably reading too far into this. I'm sure they'll iron out whatever shit needs to be ironed out between now and when the ball gets rolling. I'm hoping that never happens, though, because this whole technology, again, is shaky. For anyone who's seen the "E.T. Adventure" at Universal Studios, the program is a little awkward. Sometimes E.T., in his old age, forgets to mention your name. Or he'll switch up the names of your car's passengers with another's. Sure, it's sometimes the ride technician's fault, but it's all in the technology being used. So imagine what can go wrong if Disney unveils a super-advanced version of this tech to use on a shitload of Fantasyland rides. Like digital puppetry, it's a great idea, but we can all presume that Disney will try to rush it into the parks before it's totally (or more than just "pretty") reliable.

I know that's alot of shit to digest, but to put it simply, Disney is yet again riding the gimmick wave. I can already see this failing. Also, aren't most of the rides in Fantasyland cheapish dark rides? Having a wooden Snow White that sways from side to side saying your name and asking how Manchester is doesn't have the same impact as if Figment were to say it.

Which (final point, I promise) makes me wonder: Are they only going to do this in the Magic Kingdom? Because aside from "Imagination!" in EPCOT Center, there are pretty much zero rides with speaking animatronics on them in WDW. Odd, right? Sure, there's "Dinosaur" or "Universe of Energy", but those are dinosaurs. This isn't "We're Back", dinosaurs don't fucking talk. You sure as hell can't have them address you in a 3D show; there are too many people. That just leaves Magic Kingdom, really. Maybe Mr. Potato Head in the line for "Midway Mania", but that's about it. Have they really thought this through?

WHEW.

OK, Andy Rooney-esque rant = done. I'm about to bring this bitch home, but let me wrap up by saying that I am NOT 23. Nor do I plan on being 23 anytime soon. Yes, the website has some occassionally nice articles, but the price to be an official member is almost as outrageous as this membership price. It's a blatant grab for cash in these economic troubling times, and I don't plan on drinking the Kool-Aid. I'm just fine reading my old copies of Disney Magazine, thank you.

**UPDATE: So, upon further review of the MiceAge article, it is pointed out that "
WDI and TDA both see the ballooning population of Annual Passholders (APs) in Southern California as a prime audience for this technology," and "WDI has been scoping out scenes and specific animatronics in some of Anaheim's major E Ticket attractions to mock up concepts where an RFID tag in an Annual Pass would trigger special acknowledgements and plot twists for Passholders." Guess what, this idea FUCKING BLOWS. Plot twists? What? "Oh, guess what! Turns out the entire time, Aerosmith was dead! Thank God for that Annual Pass! Now the whole attraction makes sense!" Who will pay that much for a fucking talking plank that somewhat resembles Pinocchio to say your name and thank you for paying Disney so they could afford to open ANOTHER HORRIBLE RIDE?
Chalk up another money-pissing plan for Disney! Hats off to you, you stupid bastards!

...I need a nap.

7 comments:

Adam said...

I threw up a little in my mouth when I watched this.

No one at Disney has any pride in themselves or their creations any more. If the fucking businessmen are so divorced from their audience they don't even mind serving up a heaping pile of shit like this, what hope is there for the future of Disney? If I was an Imagineer, I would tell my friends I was a sanitation worker. At least then no one is telling you the sewage you're shoveling is roses.

"aside from "Imagination!" in EPCOT Center, there are pretty much zero rides with animatronics on them in WDW"

You meant "talking animatronics" I'm guessing?

AnonyMOUSE said...

Yeah, attractions with animatronics in general - there's a greater number. I mean, it'd be pretty badass for the Yeti in Expedition Everest to be all, "Wassup, motherfucker?" but I doubt that'll ever happen, considering the thing never works.

So to clarify: The number of dark rides in WDW with talking animatronics is startlingly low. Not shows with big audiences, or animatronics of iguanadons, but animatronics on rides that say things.

Anonymous said...

Just becasue saying your name is the only app using rfid that is done so far, (a pretty lame one in my opinion) that doesent mean that its the only thing possible, the only thing to expect dark rides "enhanced" with this technology to do. Im for one hoping that Disney comes up with some amazing things to do with this.

AnonyMOUSE said...

I get you, and it's totally possible for RFID to go beyond just saying names - I acknowledged this pretty thoroughly in the article. E.T. is old news; that shit was revolutionary back in the 90s, but we're in a new age, and technology has progressed. However, I still believe that the technology is still too shaky and unreliable to all of a sudden convert an entire section of the park to it. I'd hate to say it, but it seems like one of those things that's going to blow right up in their faces.
Also, while the technology may have a lot of possibilities, let me remind you that Disney plans on only making that technology available to a select group who (in essence) pays for it.
It's just all wrong - their putting their faith in a technology that's still rather fledgling and not even letting regular park-goers experience it.

Anonymous said...

Again, your blog is just AWFUL!!!

Not only because of the all-too-frequent Disney-bashing, but because of your dirty mouth! Quit the cursing, as well as the bashing!!!

AnonyMOUSE said...

If you don't like the blog, why read it? Or take the time to comment?

This isn't a blog meant to "bash"; it's actually the opposite. I love Disney, I always have. However, I hate some the changes that have been made recently.
If I didn't like Disney, I wouldn't take the time to blog so much about the company. Also, I occasionally go out of my way to write about something at Disney that I love. Maybe you should've read more than one post?

Also, if you don't like my diction, don't fucking read the blog. Comments like that only make you seem like an ass.

Nick Crawford said...

Nice article!

I agree Tomorrowland is overcrowded with movie cartoon characters.
Monster's Inc is in Monstropolis, not tomorrowland!
That stitch show was ATROCIOUS.

Check out my tomorrowland blog!